We're Going To Be Okay
by Bodge
Summary: Set after 3x18, Noah and Rachel find a way to make everything okay again. Contains spoilers for 'Choke' and mentions of suicide .


**We're Going To Be Okay - **Set after 3x18, Noah and Rachel find a way to make everything okay again.

**Rating **- T

**Characters - **Rachel & Puck

**A/N -** A quick one shot from an idea that hasn't left me alone since I watched 'Choke'. Contains spoilers for 3x18 and mentions of suicide .

* * *

Rachel wiped at her eyes as she left the auditorium, she needed to get away, she needed to find somewhere where no one would find her, she'd skipped most of her classes and glee practice so it was only a matter of time before someone came looking for her. She walked through the now empty corridors and made it as far as the football field before she fell to her knees and huge sobs overcame her tiny body, "Berry?" Puck walked out from under the bleachers and helped her to her feet. He said nothing as he half carried her to where he'd been sat under the bleachers, and once they were settled he moved only to pass her the half empty whiskey bottle he'd been using to drown his own sorrows.

"I screwed up Noah" she finally whispered before taking a long swig from the bottle, wincing slightly as the dark liquid burnt her throat. "I've been waiting for that moment my entire life and I messed up, I've ruined everything, my dads have paid for dancing and singing lessons since I was a baby and I've let them down, I've let everyone down." She took another drink from the bottle before passing it back, "I always let everyone down."

"I failed" Noah began to slur slightly as the amount of alcohol he'd consumed began to hit him, "got an F, not going to graduate. The guys, they stayed up all night helping me study and I still failed. I, I studied so hard and I still failed" He gulped from the bottle before passing it back to Rachel, she didn't notice the tear that slipped from his eye, "I'm him. I'm everything I never want to be."

"People told me I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket but I thought they were jealous, I've got no back up plan Noah, I, I don't know what to do any more"

"I don't want to do anything" he told her, "in fifteen years time I don't want to be finding Beth for the first time in years just so I can scrounge money off her, I wont do that Rachel, I'm not going to let myself do that." They continued to pass the whiskey between them and Noah produced a bottle of vodka once it was gone. "I'm not going to screw up any more" Noah slurred into Rachel's hair, he had no idea when she'd curled into his chest but he wasn't complaining, it gave him chance to pretend he'd not messed things up with her too, it gave him chance to pretend he'd not let his best friend find happiness with the best girl he'd ever dated. "It's going to be okay though" Noah told Rachel, "I've got some pills, they'll make it better." Rachel sighed and Noah wiped at his eyes, "I, I wrote a note for Beth, and my Mom, they they don't need me ruining things for them any more I just screw everything up."

"Noah" Rachel sniffed and wiped at her eyes before lifting her head and forcing her lips against his.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed when they parted for breath, "I'm sorry I messed things up with you too, we could have been happy together, we could have had some pretty Jewish babies"

Rachel wiped at his eyes, "we can still be happy together" she told him.

"We can't" Noah shook his head, "it's too late."

"Please" Rachel begged, "I can't, it hurts so much Noah, I need it to stop hurting."

"I can't" Noah shook his head, "I only know how to make things worse" he admitted, "I don't know how to make them better."

"You're going to make it better for you" Rachel told him, "make it better for me too."

Noah frowned as his drunken brain tried to piece together what Rachel was saying, "you, you want some of the pills." Rachel nodded, "why?"

"Why not? There's nothing else left for me."

"You could do something else." Noah suggested.

"Like what?" Noah was silent for a moment and Rachel burst into tears again, "see" she sobbed, "if I'm not on Broadway I'm nothing."

"I'm sorry Rach, I'm sorry you..."

"I screwed up" she told him, "it's my fault. I, I screw everything up, even my own mother didn't want to know me."

"I, I slept with her Rachel, I'm sorry" he leant his head against her shoulder, "I slept with her but I imagined she was you."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, "she's not my Mom, she made that clear, she's just another cougar and when we've, when we, you know, I bet she'll miss you more than me."

"I don't know what to say" Noah shrugged, "I don't want you to be sad Rach."

"Then help me be happy, let's be happy together."

Noah nodded and reached into his backpack to pull out the tub of pills, "sleeping pills" he told her, "don't, don't take them all. Leave some for me." Rachel nodded and poured several pills into her hand before passing the container back, "here" Noah passed her the vodka, but didn't let go of the bottle when she took hold of it, "this is it Rach" he told her, "you don't have to do this just because of me."

"I, I'm not" she told him, "I've wanted to do it so many times before" she admitted, "I just never wanted to do it on my own." She paused for a minute, "you're going to do it too right?"

Noah nodded, "Yeah I, I screw everything else up, I'm going to do this properly."

"I, I'm glad its you Noah, you think we'll go to Jew heaven together?"

Noah nodded and let go of the bottle, "I'm sure we will my little Jewish princess, I'm sure we will." He hated lying to her but he didn't want to argue, he knew she'd go to Heaven if it was a real place but there was no doubt in his mind that the only way he was going was downwards."

He watched as she swallowed the pills in her hand, part of him wanted to yell at her, knock the pills from her hand and stop her, he wanted to shake her and make her see she had so much in front of her, that she might not be going to NYADA but there was so many other things she could do but he was selfish and like Rachel he didn't want to do this alone. "Your turn" she smiled as she passed the bottle back. Noah took a second to look at her, she looked so much happier now, like a weight had lifted from her shoulders so he returned the smile and raised the bottle to his lips.

"Lie with me" Noah laid on the floor and pulled Rachel to lie on his chest.

Rachel sighed happily, she knew everything would soon be over but it didn't bother her, she wasn't worried or scared, she actually felt relieved, she didn't have to worry about what came next any more "Noah" she giggled, "I think your leg's vibrating."

He laughed, "It's my phone." He fumbled for a moment as he struggled to get it from his pocket, "it's your mom" he said when he finally managed to focus on the small screen.

"Lemme talk to her" Rachel clumsily took the phone from Noah and flipped it open, "Mommy" she smiled.

"Rachel?" Shelby was confused and checked her phone to make sure she'd dialled the right number, "where's Noah, I need to speak to Noah."

"He's here, we're just lying down Mom, it's real nice, he's comfy and he smells good."

"Are you drunk Rachel? Are you okay? Is Noah okay? He left a note for Beth in my mailbox, he said, I need to know he's okay Rachel."

Rachel nodded as her head began to feel fuzzy, "he's okay, I'm okay, everybody's a-okay Mommy, he failed and I, I forgot the words but we had some whiskey and some vodka and we took some pills, we're okay, we're going to be okay now."


End file.
